Intelligent Falling?

As I write this entry, I'm fairly certain that the activity in the Alpha office has approached the kinetic grace that people used to associate with John Woo and Hongkong cinema. While we gather ourselves for the upcoming Worship Central Manila Conference in The Tent, Ortigas and the subsequent Alpha Conference in Singapore, allow me to share a slightly subversive article that made me laugh out loud. I pray that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ will enjoy the humor which the Christian author G.K. Chesterton says informs the joy that we all share in Christ, and which I believe lied beneath the surface of this gentle reminder:

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

TOPEKA, KS-Evangelical physicists are now asserting that objects fall because a higher power is pushing them down.

Here are some choice excerpts:

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

Interested readers may check out the theory of Intelligent Falling for a more complete understanding of the parody above. Enjoy!