Cultural Decay in The Onion

I've always held the opinion that the some things are funny because to recognize them for the painful truths that they represent would be too depressing. It's a distinctly Filipino trait, I believe, and one that helps us deal with the otherwise bleak realities that we have to stew in until we mature as a people. As such, allow me to share the following which, ironically, might be lost on a culture that is increasingly less inclined to read:

Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever

The opening paragraphs are truly a distillation of how the genuinely funny can be genuinely tragic, so I'll reprint them here:

LOS ANGELES—The Novelists Guild of America strike, now entering its fourth month, has had no impact on the nation at all, sources reported Tuesday.

The strike, which scholars say could be the longest since 1951, when American novelists may or may not have voluntarily committed to a six-month work stoppage, has brought an immediate halt to all new novels, novellas, and novelettes from coast to coast, affecting no one.

Bookstores across the country saw no measurable change in anything.

Nor has America's economy seen any adverse effects whatsoever, as consumers easily adjust to the sudden cessation of any bold new sprawling works of fiction or taut psychological character studies.

"There's a novelists strike?" Ames, IA consumer Carl Hailes said. "That's terrible. When is it scheduled to begin?"

I haven't read a funnier, sadder account of cultural decay from The Onion since Klingon Speakers Now Outnumber Navajo Speakers in 1999:

NEW YORK—According to a report released Monday by the Modern Language Association, speakers of the Star Trek-based Klingon language outnumber individuals fluent in Navajo by a margin of more than seven-to-one.


"Navajo, a 3,000-year-old Native American tonal language belonging to the Athabaskan/Na-Dené group of tongues, is clearly dying and will likely be extinct by 2010," MLA president Frederick Toback said. "Fortunately, though, the sad, steady decline of this once-proud Native American tongue has been more than offset by a rising interest in Klingon culture."

Enjoy!