Gary Gygax (July 27, 1938 – March 4, 2008)

I read today that Gary Gygax, co-creator of one of the most influential tabletop fantasy role-playing games of all time, Dungeons and Dragons (D&D), passed away at the age of 69. While I haven't played D&D in a while, and it would take me a while to reacquaint myself with the different polyhedral dice that are used to calculate for event outcomes, I remember playing D&D with much fondness. I tried to come up with a fitting tribute to one of the most influential nerds ever by composing an encomium of sorts for Mr. Gygax, but one of our friends at Cracked beat me to it.

Therefore, in an effort to ensure no one will make any more terrible puns, I have compressed as many as possible into the following obituary. Hopefully running the premise into the ground will convince others to give it a rest.

Gary “The Beholder” Gygax reached epic level this week after rolling a natural 1 during a battle with Time. Apothecaries have stated that despite his Alertness feat, he was caught flat-footed and failed a subsequent Fortitude save to negate the effects of a Level 8 Finger of Death spell (touch attack), due largely to a -3 Constitution modifier brought about by a Curse of Natural Ageing. Though clerics at the Temple of Pelor have attempted a resurrection, it appears Mr. Gygax has been the victim of a Soul Bind enchantment, and has already passed through the material, astral, and shadow planes into worlds beyond.

Mr. Gygax is best known for his Critical Hit Sneak Attack against an Ancient Red Dragon during a treasure-hunting excursion in Ched Nasad, and for turning a Bag of Holding inside out in order to destroy an evil pocket dimension. Later in life, he retired from adventuring to work with animals, training Mordenkainen’s Faithful Watchdogs for the blind and chairing a committee for the conservation of Gelatinous Cubes.

He is survived by his wife, two half-elf children, and a +5 Mace of Shock.

There, now I hope we can all let Mr. Gygax rest in peace. And if you’d like to contact me about giving a eulogy, I speak Common, Abyssal and Underdark.

Rest in peace, dear friend. And thank you for creating a gaming experience that everyone, especially those who cannot roll natural 20s in real-life, can enjoy.

Photo Credits:
Picture comes courtesy of The NYC Dungeons and Dragons Meetup Group.