Onion Knight: Geek Tales

My wife Tina and I took my mom out for lunch at Mamou where I gorged myself on what must be the finest steak in Metro Manila. Unfortunately, no trip to Serendra is ever complete without dropping by Fully Booked, where we purchased several steaks worth of books.

Thus sated, body and soul, I'm feeling particularly frisky today. Nay, my restlessness is exceeded only by my profound delight at digging up the following articles from America's Finest News Source. Therefore, without further ado, and without referencing both this blog's title and what may perhaps be the finest RPG made for the PSP, let us begin.

Gore Wins Oscar, Nobel Peace Prize For Slide-Show Presentation

The Nobel Committee was deeply moved by Gore's employment of multi-image animation.

This entry is specifically for my good friend, Jason de Villa, who suffered what constitutes the very anti-thesis of the holiday season when he battled bravely to uphold the standards of coherent thought by patiently nurturing the enthusiastic but compositionally challenged writers of IMC's publication and enduring, in the finest Christian tradition, the largely unremarkable Powerpoint presentations of his students. You may read of Jason's adventures in editing here, and his trek into heretofore unexplored regions of Powerpoint Purgatory here.

Choice excerpts from the Onion article:

In February, Gore's montage of satellite images and title slides was awarded an Oscar by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and was hailed for presenting a "truly global message" with a clear beginning, middle, and end.

"I was stunned," said Phoenix resident Amy Swinton, 23, who saw the slide show twice in theaters. "It turns out that you don't always need flashy fonts or background colors to make a great multimedia presentation. Simple white text on an all black background can be very effective."

Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement

WASHINGTON-"All the feminist movement needed to do was hire someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business," new head feminist Peter "Buck" McGowan said.

Charmingly politically incorrect, this article made me laugh out loud. At one point, I was counting how many times the article was going to lampoon sensitive stereotypes concerning women, but eventually gave up after being overwhelmed by the sheer chutzpah of the unknown (and I suspect, female) author.

Choice excerpts from the Onion article:

McGowan claimed that one of the main reasons the movement enjoyed so little success in the past was that the previous management was often too timid and passive and should have been much more results-focused.

"You can't waste time pussyfooting around with protests and getting all emotional about a bunch of irrelevant details," McGowan said. "If you want to enjoy equal rights, you have to have a real man-to-man chat with the people in charge until you can hammer out some more equitable custody laws."

"And don't get me started on how disorganized and scatterbrained their old fundraising methods were," McGowan added. "Let's just say the movement never really had a head for numbers."

Photo Credits:

Picture of the Onion Knight comes courtesy of Final Fantasy Wiki.