It's that time of the semester again, where teachers have to dig deep into themselves, to somehow uncurdle the milk of human kindness, so that the papers that they have to check are graded fairly objectively. To fortify myself for the arduous task of helping raw sentence fragments and non-sequiturs grow into elegantly balanced sentences and genuinely insightful papers characterized by wit and clarity of thought, I came upon the following, which I hope you will enjoy.
Choice excerpts:
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA—In what she described as "the most emotional moment" of her academic life, University of Virginia sophomore communications major Grace Weaver sobbed openly upon concluding Steinbeck's seminal work of American fiction Of Mice And Men's Cliffs Notes early last week.
"This book has changed me in a way that only great literature summaries can," said Weaver, who was so shaken by the experience that she requested an extension on her English 229 essay. "The humanity displayed in the Character Flowchart really stirred something in me. And Lennie's childlike innocence was beautifully captured through the simple, ranch-hand slang words like 'mentally handicapped' and 'retarded.'"
Added Weaver: "I never wanted the synopsis to end."
Choice excerpts:
WALTHAM, MA—A courageous young notebook computer committed a fatal, self-inflicted execution error late Sunday night, selflessly giving its own life so that professors, academic advisors, classmates, and even future generations of college students would never have to read Jill Samoskevich's 227-page master's thesis, sources close to the Brandeis University English graduate student reported Monday.
The brave laptop, even after fulfilling its mission, steadfastly resists a technician's data-recovery attempts.
"This fearless little machine saved me from unspoken hours of exasperated head-scratching and eyestrain, as well as years of agonizing self-doubt over my decision to devote my life to teaching," said professor John Rebson, who had already read through three drafts of Samoskevich's sprawling, 38,000-word dissertation, titled A Hermeneutical Exploration Of Onomatopoeia In The Works Of William Carlos Williams As It May Or May Not Relate To Post-Agrarian Appalachia. "It was an incredible act of bravery. This laptop sacrificed itself in order to put an end to Jill's senseless rambling."
If the humor is lost on any students reading this post (specifically, those who are busy trying to complete the final requirements for my classes), read these again in a couple of weeks. Till then, hang in there. Enjoy!
4 comments:
If my ibook dies in the middle of my final paper, I'll know why.
It's trying to save you from me. :D
(Or it may be suffering from macbook-envy. :P)
He he. Let's hope it doesn't. :-)
Ahahah! woooh, that was a good one.
One of the many reasons why we can't trust technology. :D
Glad you enjoyed that one Ria. :-)
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