Friday, March 09, 2007

Acquired Tastes: The Onion Dispatch and Bill Simmons


As the entire family was wiped out by the preternatural cuteness of the assembled grandsons last night at Papalo's 60th birthday party (the picture to your left is one of the few still shots of Juan and cousin Miguel that came out well, from Papa's Portico dinner), I had absolutely no intention of posting anything new. Eyes dulled from lack of sleep and muscles aching from overexertion, I went through the motions of checking my mail and my favorite links when I first came across this:

Vince Carter Hires On-Court Assistant

The Onion

Vince Carter Hires On-Court Assistant

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—New Jersey Nets shooting guard Vince Carter announced Wednesday that he had hired an on-court assistant to handle all...



This could have been an actual quote from the soulless entertainer masquerading as a ball player that is Vince Carter:

"I'm proud to introduce Miss Juliet Werner, who will be dribbling for me, setting my picks, attempting to get me steals, doing my passing, and all other manner of stuff that's been getting in the way of my shot," Carter said in a press conference held to introduce the 5'4" Werner to the public. "Juliet will be my right hand, especially as I concentrate on dunking with my left in order to become a more complete player."


And then this from Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy:

"After the Celtics inexplicably rolled off a four-game win streak and fell two games behind Memphis for pole position in the Durant/Oden Sweepstakes, I thought about flying back to Boston to kidnap Al Jefferson and stick Paul Pierce with a mononucleosis-infected needle. Instead, I decided to stay home, watch the Rockets-Celts game and jinx the streak with a running diary."

Looks like a good day for sports blogging. Enjoy!

2 comments:

HappiHappi said...

That was a great jab The Onion did on Vince. It was good to laugh after a long day at work. ;P

Saw the pics from your Dad's bday extravaganza. They were great. Looked like a good time was had by all!

John-D Borra said...

Thanks Tweet. Yeah, them Onion guys really nailed Vince Carter. Great times all around. :-)