Saturday, February 17, 2007

Acquired Tastes: The Onion Dispatch


On the heels of my belated basketball post, here comes another, done in the inimitable style of America's Finest News Source:

John Amaechi Comes Out As Former NBA Player

The Onion

John Amaechi Comes Out As Former NBA Player

STOCKPORT, ENGLAND—British homosexual John Amaechi sent shockwaves throughout the sporting world last week when he announced, much to the surprise of his family and friends—in addition to NBA players and fans—that he lived a...



Here's a few choice excerpts, which I admit, delighted this longtime hoops fan to no end:



"According to Amaechi, who spent most of his NBA career on the bench and only averaged six points and two rebounds per game, he knew at an early age that he was different from all the "normal players" when he went undrafted out of college, was unnoticed during his first season in which he only played 28 games, and was never involved with guns, drugs, or shifty agents. Amaechi claims he never once had the urge to record a sub-par rap album.


Furthermore, no matter where Amaechi played, he always felt "awkward and out of place" on the court, adding that he was "never really certain if [he] was a center or a power forward."


"I had no idea," former Cavaliers teammate Terrell Brandon said. "Sure, I saw John around the Cavaliers, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. He was tall, yeah, but he didn't look like a basketball player. He didn't act like a basketball player. And just because he hung around with a lot of basketball players and sometimes wore flashy jewelry, that didn't necessarily mean he was one, y'know?"



"In his book, Amaechi states that he even hid his occupation from his parents because he "came from a traditional British household" and his parents would not have approved of their son being an NBA player. Amaechi admits he was constantly worried during the Jazz's nationally televised playoff series with the Sacramento Kings in 2002, because cameras panning over to the bench could have revealed to his family and friends at home that he was in the NBA.


"The last thing you want is for them to find out that way," said Amaechi, who claims his parents have been "very supportive and accepting, although they don't understand why someone would want that kind of life."

0 comments: