I AM S.T.R.O.N.G. Koronadal: Day One

Today, Andrea and I were asked to give a talk on the general topic, "Making a House a Home". I must confess that when I first heard that I was supposed to give the talk with Andrea, I foresaw a tragedy in the making, much like the ill-fated romance between Dr. Gregory House and his smitten admirer, that girl. Normally, I wouldn't cast myself in the role of the sarcastic, no-nonsense, grizzled veteran with the heart of gold, but we're talking about hithereto undiscovered levels of saccharine sweetness. What if we were dealing, metaphorically speaking, with a "diabetic" audience?

I need not have worried. What Andrea lacked in terms of expressing herself fluently in the vernacular, she more than made up for in terms of enthusiasm, sincerity, and sheer, joyful persistence. She wouldn't stop, not until the courageous student leaders before her (most of whom were rendered almost catatonic by her inability to construct a single coherent Filipino sentence) simply surrendered to her unyielding niceness and developed some weird form of telepathy; they shouldn't have, couldn't have understood her, but somehow they did.

But then, it does make sense that listening to Andrea spurs the development of extraordinary paranormal abilities. Certainly, in the case of Andrea, one could say there is "more than meets the eye". During a critical juncture in my portion, Andrea came to my rescue as the projector screen threatened to make short work of my short talk. I've never seen anyone move so fast, so demurely. Hence, much to her dismay, I dubbed Andrea "ang tunay na Darna", because by sincere, loving acts, she has shown herself to be the ultimate Filipina heroine: both "kapuso" and "kapamilya", if that makes any sense.

The talk went smoothly enough, though the student leaders stopped just short of commissioning a DNA paternity test when I insisted that Juan was really my son.

"Baka clip art lang."

"Siguro, naghanap lang si sir sa Google ng mga imahe ng mga gwapong bata."

"Baka gusto niyong i-Google yung i-cli-clip art kong mukha niyo", I thought. I considered making my displeasure known, but seeing how even most of the 15 year-old student leaders (like this guy, Ben) had more facial hair on their faces than I ever succeeded in "shaving" off mine, I decided to overlook their indiscretions. Still, the nerve! Note to self: must bring DNA test to next I AM STRONG seminar.

Later, Andrea, to recompense me for the many wisecracks that I kept on making at her expense, took a ridiculous video of me participating in one of Ma'am Lulu Romero's motivational activities. Jay Pronstroller, in commiseration with "Darna", spends his idle hours making equally ludicrous caricatures of me. Can anyone say conspiracy? One would have thought that my macro-oriented roommate would have at least made ludicrous caricatures of the micro-oriented females of I AM STRONG: Michee dela Cruz and Pie Pablo. Oh well.

I went home early with Andrea, Cathy Bautista and Jessica Gallegos. I'm not unusually vain, but I felt like someone had poured cooking oil all over my body, with a special lard based concoction reserved for liberal application on my face. I took a nice long shower, then proceeded to MacGregor with Andrea and Jess. MacGregor is THE BEST coffee shop in Koronadal, and a truly delightful find. If you took the wonderfully quirky bibliophilic charm of Fully Booked and married it with the understated elegance of Bizu, you'd probably get MacGregor, but only if the lawfully wedded coffee shop chooses to make Koronadal its home. I heartily recommend the MacGregor Elite blend, the Highlander. I would like to extend my most sincere thanks to Mark Anthony G. Nimer and Kem Alfred Radaza, who made the WalangFi (as opposed to WiFi) experience at MacGregor's bearable with their cheery efficiency. Thanks again!